Welcome to my Personal Notes
a very special page on my site where I share things close to me
Nick’s Song : A song of loss and acceptance
I never thought I’d be a member of a group that has no name. When my husband passed in 2015 I could refer to him as “my late husband” and to myself as a widow. When my son died this year there was no category name for me as his Mom and parent, except Mom and parent.
It is a very lonely and alienating not to belong to a group category that acknowledges the most painful loss that I’ve ever experienced. Anyone who loses a child before his or her time surely suffers the same unyielding pain. It also doesn’t help that many friends and family members are made so anxious at the thought of losing a child of their own they don’t offer as much support and presence as they might otherwise give.
Common wisdom has it that with time the pain recedes though never fully goes away. True. However, I believe there are patterns of belief and activity that can help build resilience and growth despite a tragic loss. Everyone has to develop her or his own recipe of strength building to get back to living fully.
One such activity that helped me move forward from my pain was to write and compose Nick’s Song, a spoken song that was played as part of an All Saint’s Day Service (dedicated to remembering those who have passed) at the Philadelphia Episcopal Cathedral.
I offer Nick’s Song as a hope that it will help others follow a path forward out of seemingly interminable pain.
Maggie Baker.