The Insatiable Suck: Addiction and Money

If you hear comments from friends and acquaintances like, “I don’t know what to do about Joe, he’s so irritable and always asking for money,” or “Every time the phone rings and it’s Sally I tense up fearing I’ll hear drama and turmoil that hurts but I can’t fix.” If you are a parent, grandparent or aunt/uncle you are particularly vulnerable to the Gordian Knot of drug/alcohol addiction in your child or any other family member you are close to.  What does that mean? It means that there is no really “clean” solution to helping the addicted person, especially when it comes to money. Even though some drugs are not outrageously expensive, the expense of buying them day after day, week after week mounts up. The addiction makes you feel you can’t do without it. Your thoughts start to focus more and more on having enough money to keep your supply consistently present.

The more a person yields to the addiction the more supplying the addiction becomes obsessively present. Yielding to the addiction crowds out thoughts and consideration for others and what the addiction is doing to their own person.  Meanwhile, parents or “the grownups in the room” get increasingly worried and scared that they are losing the addicted person. They want to help and are frustrated, even angry, that signs of health are fading in their loved one.

The feeling of love and desire to rescue the addicted from themselves is so strong it bends the strongest will to try and prevent their worst fear: overdose or suicide. In order to sooth this fear, money is given, if even reluctantly. And here’s the intractable conflict. No matter how much money is supplied in the form of paying for treatment or dishing out money on demand, it will
never be enough. The “insatiable suck” for more will be operative until there is no more money to give. Families often go bankrupt trying to help.

When it registers on the addicted that there is no more money to be had from home they often turn the “insatiable suck” to other sources perceived to have money. And on and on it goes until the addicted hits bottom and makes a decision to get clean, or is able to find an endless supply of people who are willing to pay.

What’s the solution to this Gordian Knot of addiction and money? There is no easy and painless answer.

The following recommendations may help:

1. Money is not the problem, accountability and addicted dysfunctional decision making is
2. Saying YES to money demands is unhealthy, saying NO CONSISTENTLY is healthy
3. Seek help for yourself in order to avoid being trapped into the possibly endless cycle of money giving.
4. Recognize that the addicted person has made a series of bad choices that lead to self-sabotaging behavior. They are the only one who can step up and be accountable for and to themselves.
5. Talk to trusted others about your dilemma. It’s easy to feel you are the only one who suffers. Remember there is a drug epidemic in this country. Others may be suffering in silence as well, controlled by the shame and embarrassment that they are responsible for the addicted person’s demise.

Maggie Baker, Ph. D.
Author and Narrator of “Crazy About Money“.
Psychologist/Financial Therapist